This is a heist! An old-fashioned smash and grab!
Put your awards and prizes
Your glorious enterprises,
Those golf clubs and rackets,
Your fancy shoes and branded jackets,
Put them all in the sack.
Don’t expect to get them back.
This is a smash and grab!
You, take your child’s milk teeth out of your purse
And those photos of family gatherings –
Years and years looking worse and worse -
The beer mats from your first night out,
Tickets from that a-ma-zing concert
I want them all. Don’t just stand and stare.
You’ll be lucky if I leave you in your underwear.
This is a heist! You might think your day is going badly
But it just got worse. This is a day you may come to curse.
Hand over that cash saved for your bills
For all I care you can freeze and feint.
Your Farrow and Ball paint won’t cover up your cracking wall
Even if it is elephant’s breath modern eggshell.
The weavers who made your rugs from Isfahan
Can’t stitch together your collapsing plan
Your fawning pets that you think love you
Will chew your face when they get above you.
None of these bring meaning back.
Put them in the sack.
This is a heist! Look at your fleshy, haggard face
Your tongue is too big for your mouth
Your heart is out of control
Acid from your oesophagus leaves a gastric hole.
Your blood thickens like tar
Your swollen legs won’t get you far
Lift your broken limbs from off the rack,
Put them in the sack.
This is a form of smash and grab
I’ll take your body from the slab
I’ll wash your dusty feet,
I’ll turn your sour breath sweet,
I’ll rub your limbs with unctuous oils
I’ll let you give me all your spoils.
Then at last sit naked, breath and rest.
This is a heist!
But perhaps it’s for the best.